Dear Madeleine,
I manage a large regional business unit, and a few years ago all managers went through a coaching class. We learned to ask fewer why questions when coaching, and I have found it to be a helpful tip. I know it’s generally not a good idea to ask why questions, because they can put people on the defensive.
What is your advice on what to do when someone asks a why question?
I was recently asked one by a manager who works for me, who also went through the training and should know better.
I find myself not wanting to answer the question for fear I will appear defensive by even answering. I don’t see a good or productive way to answer the question, mainly because the way it was asked seemed to presume that I had done something wrong.
Is it rude to reframe the question the into a form I could answer? Like a politician?
This incident has made me realize that I seem to get a lot of these kinds of questions from this manager—questions I would prefer she answer for herself. It makes me concerned that she either can’t answer the questions or is kicking the questions up a level for some reason. Maybe she is asking for more support?
Confused and Confronted Leader
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Dear Confused and Confronted Leader,
This is an interesting one! For readers who wonder what is being discussed here, you can get some background from this article: Important Coaching Techniques Every…
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By: Madeleine Homan Blanchard
